NO ONE CAN STEAL YOUR HAPPINESS!!

Three new blog entries in a week? I guess I am on a roll. After this one, it will probably be months before I write another. But when I have something to say, I need to say it. And this needs to be said. Not only for myself but for anyone who may be feeling or has at one time felt the way I am now feeling. And this is it in a nutshell...

NO ONE can steal your happiness - unless you let them.

Accept responsibility for your own actions or thoughts. Life is never fair so don’t waste your time dwelling on the negatives. Keep your mind focused on healthy thoughts in spite of your circumstances. Remember that you always have options! NO ONE can steal your happiness - unless you let them.

Are you angry?? If so, analyze the source of your anger. Remember that YOU are in control of your own feelings, and this includes anger. Anger is an expression of frustration and helplessness. Let go of the helplessness!! Remember..You always have options! NO ONE can steal your happiness - unless you let them.

I know this sounds like a cliché, but look for the silver lining. There is a silver lining to every disappointment. Some are more difficult to find than others. Some may not be realized until much later and some you may NEVER come to discover. But it IS there. It just may be that the Lord has chosen not to reveal it to you until His time.

Consider forgiveness. Anger and happiness don't mix. Get rid of your anger and your happiness has a chance to flourish. Forgive for YOURSELF! For YOUR growth! Forgive as a gift to yourself. Forgive to allow the light of happiness to shine through. Forgiveness is an option you choose. You always have options! NO ONE can steal your happiness - unless you let them.

Accept the fact that life is not fair. There is no single way that life is "supposed" to be but expecting life to meet your expectations is only a recipe for unhappiness. Life happens to us regardless of our best intentions. To choose happiness you must be open to receiving whatever life throws at you. This openness is an option. You always have options!

NO ONE can steal your happiness - unless you let them.

Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda

For many of us, in so many aspects of our lives, there are times when what actually happened and what we wished would have happened are not always the same. Sometimes we realize several other choices we could have or should have made instead of the one we actually chose. We may feel regret over those choices or simply just wonder what would the end result had been if we chose a different path. This feeling of second-guessing or reflection after the fact is what I refer to as Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda.

I suppose you could consider it a form of wishful thinking. I believe these Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda thoughts are more common in people than they care to admit. So many times I have heard “if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.” Really?? In your entire life there is nothing you would have liked to have done differently? I simply don’t believe that.

Consider the small things. Sometimes it is the regret of not taking more action. The times we walk away from a relationship or merely just a conversation and think “I should have said this..I should have done that.” Some people do not want to consider their Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda moments because that would imply a disappointment or frustration on their end. However, sometimes a better course of action or a more informed decision is only discovered after the fact, leading to a Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda moment regardless.

Shoulda-Woulda-Couldas are a great way to reflect back on a situation or period of your life and think about what happened in order for you not to make the same mistake. Understanding your past can make way for potential future happiness if you are honest. Trying to understand what went wrong can only help you to try not to repeat the same mistakes down the line.

Looking back on the past can at times be painful. Remembering a past hurt can hold us back from taking chances in the future. We are afraid of making the same mistakes over again. However, the only way that you can experience joy and satisfaction in life is by putting yourself out there and taking chances. Remember the saying, "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." How many people experience a Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda moment with someone that they cared deeply for? Often people hold back their feelings because they do not want to be vulnerable, but the vulnerability is required to move the relationship to the next level. Often our fear of rejection holds us back from our most triumphant moments because we don’t take risks anymore. This applies not only to love but many everyday situations.

People that take few chances and play it safe do not get hurt as often, but they do not experience joy either. There will always be aspects of life that are full of wonder and joy, but you have to take the chance and seek it out. WouldYa??

IS Love REALLY All You Need???

A good friendship or any other deep, caring relationship is like a good marriage. If it is to last it needs to be treated as such. Yes, the number one ingredient is love but regardless of what the Beatles sing, love is NOT all you need. So what is it that not only gives such a friendship what it needs to sustain, but also what it needs to continue growing?

I am not denying that love is a major part of the foundation of any relationship. Of course it is, and it would be ridiculous to think otherwise. But there needs to be more. A good friendship takes work and time, some more than others. There must be a conscious decision on behalf of both parties that they are willing to do what it takes to sustain and maintain their friendship. This includes trust, and compromise, and loyalty, and dedication. Hard work? Time consuming perhaps? You betcha! But the payoffs are undeniable.

The thing is relationships are hard. They are work. And in order to maintain a relationship you have to be willing to put in the effort. I’ve found as I have gotten older that I have less patience and less of a desire to put forth such work. But everyone needs at least one good, real, honest caring relationship. Do I have this with my spouse? Yes. But whether one is married or single, such a friendship is still a necessary addition to every one’s life. Yet it is an addition that one must choose to have.

Every morning when you wake up, you choose to have this person as part of your world. You choose to stay where you are in your friendship, no matter what the current circumstances. And you do what it takes to support that choice.

You don’t choose trust, honesty, openness and compromise because it’s easy. You choose these things because they are all a part of love. And you choose such an intimate friendship because you love that person and want them as a part of your life.

Before I continue any further, let me clarify something. When I talk of love, I am not referring to romantic love. I love many people in my life, but I only have one romantic love and that is for my husband. I have told many people I love them but it is not in the sense that I love my husband. Some may say then that the word is thrown around too loosely. I do believe that in today world this is true. People love everything from a good burger to their favorite television show (Dexter!) But that is not the “love” I am referring to here. Now that, I hope, I have clarified that, let me move on.

So you truly have a deep emotional l (not necessarily romantic) love for that special friend/s in your life. This is a love that needs to be treasured. It needs to be sustained regardless of what is happening in the world around us and it needs to take priority in our lives. That is to say it should be more important than your budget woes, or the crappy thing that happened at work today, or that fight you had with the neighbor over whose responsibility it is the keep the shrubs between your homes clipped and tidy. You choose this love over the annoying habit your friend has or the stress that is felt in all relationships. Sometimes you even choose to love when you don’t like your friend very much right then. You choose it because you know you’ll like them again and you want them to be there when you will. You choose it because the crappy thing at work will eventually get resolved, the shrubs will get trimmed one way or another and your relational stress will work itself out. And when all of that is said and done, if your friend is suddenly not beside you, you won’t be happy anymore. So you choose love. A true, deep meaning friendship is something you actively choose to. Simply loving, will not sustain it, but choosing will.

So maybe this is all just sounds like a bunch of garbled-gook, maybe you think I’m crazy or just totally disagree with me. But there it is. It takes two people working actively and with love to make any kind of relationship work. Two people who are willing to trust, and compromise, willing to give loyalty, and dedication. Hard work? Time consuming? Indeed it is. Perhaps that is why so many people live their entire lives without ever experiencing the love of such a friendship. I think about how sad I’d be if I woke up one morning and my friend was no longer part of my life. And I know that I’m willing to work. And I know that our friendship is worth that effort.