Letting Go of the Hurt

Everyone has been hurt by someone they love and trust at one (or many) points in their lives. We may feel we were treated poorly, perhaps trust was broken. We may feel a betrayal of respect or a disregard for our feelings. Certainly hearts may feel torn and abused. When someone you care about hurts you, it can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, even thoughts of revenge. All of this pain we experience is normal. It’s okay to feel angry, taken advantage of, even heartbroken. But sometimes we allow those feelings to fester or linger on. Like a broken tape we replay in our heads, we relive it over and over and have a difficult time letting go. These wounds can leave us with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance. It can be easy to allow ourselves to dwell on hurtful events or situations. We may form, grudges filled with resentment. Instead, we need to learn to let go and forgive. If we don't practice forgiveness, we may be the one who pays the consequences. If we allow such negative feelings to take over we can lose touch of our positive feelings, and end up with nothing but the stale taste of bitterness in our lives.

So, how does one cope? One word…forgiveness. Wow! What a powerful word and so very hard to embrace at times. Sometimes we feel as though we will never be able to forgive the person for the pain they have caused us. But it is through the process of forgiveness that we are able to move forward away from our pain. Notice I said “process.” Forgiveness is indeed a process that can take a very long time. For some it may be a month, a year, even a lifetime.

What exactly does forgiveness entail? It is the decision to let go of the hurt, resentment and maybe even feelings of revenge. By learning to forgive we are able to keep our focus on the present and positive areas of our life. Depending on the cause of our pain, we may someday even begin to understand and offer empathy and compassion to the one who hurt us. It doesn't necessarily mean we deny or minimize the wrongdoing. It is forgiving the person without excusing the act. Through this process we are able to learn to let go and eliminate the tendency to hold a grudge
Grudges can wreak havoc on our lives. It allows the potential for anger and bitterness to enter into other relationship and situations. We can become so self-absorbed with the wrongs of our pasts that we are unable to enjoy the joys of the present. This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin other relationships, distract us from work and family and make us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We are afraid to open up and potentially get hurt again. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.

It can be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn't admit any wrongdoing. They may not even be aware of it. Yet, sometimes it is merely an authentic apology and expression of sorrow and regret that can provide the closure necessary for forgiveness to take place.

As I stated earlier, forgiveness is process. We have to let go of the perception we have of ourselves as the victim. We cannot allow another person the control and power of our feelings and the influence in our lives. We cannot allow them to define our life by the pain, hurt or betrayal they have caused us. We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.

Looking at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror

At times I find myself thinking about the past. I think about all the various choices I made and roads that I walked down and wonder how things would be if I had made a different decision here or there. Woulda, shoulda, coulda. If only, What if, Why did I, Why didn't I?? We experience so many different choices throughout our lives. ...choices involving family, friends, school, careers, etc.

It's always been easy for me to form an attachment to certain things. These things can be people, situations, things, memories, etc. I consider this a good quality, however, there are times where people, situations, or I myself, have changed. This change can bring on the necessity of letting go. Sometimes one can form an attachment to something that isn't necessarily in their best interest or the interests of those around them. Once you've formed an attachment, it can be a difficult, even painful experience when you realize it's time to let go. I don't believe I am alone in this. Throughout our lives, everyone experiences things they find they must learn to let go of.

Letting go of your past and memories can be extremely hard. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain. Even though some old memories can be frustrating or seem agonizing, it can be difficult. At times I want to hold on to the past. Yet I know that holding on to certain things can serve as a roadblock to a better future.

Letting go can sometimes seem like one of the hardest and scariest experiences in my life. It is during these times, I have to stop and remind myself to turn it all over to God, taking a leap of faith into the unknown and letting Him work his will.

So what is the point of this blog? 3 simple words...I am learning. Well, maybe another 3 simple words as well...Just let go

I am learning that whenever something happens that angers or frustrates me, I should be thankful that nothing worse happened and just let go.

I am learning that when I falter or make a mistake, its o.k. to pick myself back up and just let go.

I am learning that when something or someone makes me feel fearful, anxious, uncomfortable, or unhappy, I need to remember all the good times and just let the bad go.

Letting go can be difficult and at times seem near impossible. But my time is "now". Not the past, not the future..just now! In the realm of things they don't really matter. I can't do anything except think about it. Why should I waste time thinking about things I can't change or things that don't yet exist?

I am learning to free myself from the past so I have the freedom to just focus on this moment right now. Now is all I have and all I'll ever have. So I will try to everything else just go. Letting go may be one of the hardest lessons in life. I will Let Go and let God.